the diary letters of mississippi ann...

Hello all! I have a prayer request. Doctors have just confirmed that I have a melanoma (a particularly aggressive form of skin cancer) growing under the nail of the third finger of my left hand. The prescribed course of action is surgery, which means removal of the finger. Then they will check lymph nodes for evidence of spreading. If it has, then I’ll be looking at a year or so of cold/flu like symptoms as a result of treatment. So it looks like a bit of a long-haul for my family and i. i meet with the specialist on the 30th, and would appreciate your prayers in these matters. My wife Drea has been a rock for me in the middle of all this waiting (in spite of being in her first pretty gnarly trimester of pregnancy), but Jesus has been my comfort throughout, and we trust in our good God and his plan. We seek to glorify Him in this and know that it will work out according to his purpose. Please pray that we would continue to lean on Christ, that my wife would be comforted and feeling better physically, and that we may share with our daughter in a way that glorifies our God. Thanks!

- RG

Dear_______,

I am feeling the Lord calling me closer and closer to Him and I can no longer deny His calling. Providence would find me being weaved into my webs of wonder, community, growth and fulfillment. I feel Him demanding more of me, all of me with His ever watchful eye over me, growing in His truth and promises. I am feeling exhilarated, revived and blessed.

I woke up early this morning, 5 o’clock and prayed and read His word. I felt the joys of being with Him for the first event of the day. I felt the joys of ‘work’ in the sense that I am being pulled out of my lethargy, my laziness, my comfort. In being with Him, all those things are replaced ten fold with the true comfort that only lies in being with Him and doing for Him. I pray that this lifestyle change will not only continue to change but continue on, permanently in my life. Not only did I accomplish prayer and reading but I was able to get a head start with morning duties: having tea (before 9 am!) and breakfast, fixing her lunch for school, getting a load of laundry in the washer along with reading to her three bible stories and praying with her over her breakfast, her day and her life all before walking her to school! I feel so much joy in my heart as I have dedicated this day to Him by starting off right. 

Lord, I thank you for your never ending love and hold on my life. I thank you that though I fail you plenty times, you never once turn your back on me. You are always there with your hand ready to pick me up and lead me where You would have me to be. I thank you for so many things this morning, so many things in my heart, in my life, in my soul. I thank you for Jesus and His work on the cross for me. Thank you Thank you Thank you for all things and every thing. I love you because You first loved me and without that love I would be dead and nowhere. Amen.

MA

June ninth two thousand eleven

For far too long, I slept inside this cocoon

I sheepishly woven comfortable and calm

away from any storm that would overcome me

through those walls, I heard your voice

and now I am ready

ready to tread upon the seas with you

for far too long, I served myself

within my feeble glass castle

not growing and unnerving, losing heart

for all else was a hassle

I was trying too hard without you

and now I am ready

ready to move mountains with you

from my slumber, from my pride

there is nowhere that I can hide

but to find my surety in you

and I’m ready now, yes I am

ready for you, I know I can

tread upon the seas and move the mountains

all with you, all for you

Dear _____,

There is always new things to learn, relearning and learning until the end of time. Some days the reminders can be disheartening; other days a joy. The incompleteness of my life sometimes just reminds me of my finiteness. Other times, it’s a blessing to know that my finiteness is because there is a Infinite Greatness awaiting at the end of days. My heart was stirred today with tearful joy and even as I write this my eyes can not help from welling up. It does not matter where I am, what I look like, what I have accomplished and what I have not. One day, I will be more beautiful than I could ever imagine. One day I will live in the finest of Mansions. One day, I will see all His glory and the beauty of a new world created for only His. This makes my heart rejoice. This is the true joy and the true happiness.

ADA

Dear TWIMC,

I’ve been thinking about writing again in the poetic sense. It’s been so long since I have tried and I think I fear being like my old self. Those poems from long ago was from a different me. They served their purpose for that time but I don’t want the ghost of that creativity around anymore. I hope I can do this. I hope I won’t be too hard on myself. I don’t want to fear and I don’t want to feel strange about anything. I suppose we will see…

always,

mag

hello again,

my heart is swelling with tears and ache. no words want to come and explain what has been and what is. it just is. i feel like i am walled in with no windows and no doors sometimes. a glimmer of hope will shine but like a ghost, it disappears into the air and the ugliness materializes in its place. i hate it. i hate that it is like this. of all things, of all connections, this one especially should not be like this. it’s against the nature of things. it’s not what i want for me and it’s okay to say that, to admit it. right now, the gray has caused me to slip into black. i can still see the sky, so far away and it’s where i want to be.

i feel like it’s a dead end street, a brick wall fifty feet high. i know it’s also a two way street and i would be amiss to say i didn’t have a hand in it. it’s the struggle of the one who feels justified, slighted and disappointed. it’s the struggle of the light that shines on the fact that there is only one i can change and that’s me.

i feel like it’s too much to bear. i know the truth is it isn’t.

“Surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of man he is…” - C.S. Lewis

I want to be better. I need to do better…

MAG